wow, there’s nothing more self-identifying than a trip through all your old letters and emails from being a little kid. even though i do definitely feel older, i think the bird was just the moment that i realised it. it’s the first time i’ve made that kind of a selfless decision purely for someone else’s benefit and greatly to my own unhappiness, so it’s like a big milestone in my life.
through all my letters and emails, i was so very… awful. what an annoying little kid! i was just an awful, attention-seeking mess. i think, actually, that i was trying so hard to pretend to be happy that i just really overdid it.
i noticed however, that i was particularly cool and nice and normal to people i liked well enough to write to, but i was awful and loud and ridiculous to people i really really liked and wanted badly to like me back. i find that a little amusing.
